Read this, There’s Still Hope.
“Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.” - Dale Carnegie”
The thing about life that’s funny, distasteful, beautiful and ugly all can be narrowed down to a million different things. We could choose to be angry at a situation or figurement because it could be overbearing, not align with our perception of what things “should be” like. On the same hand, we could take that same exact situation that negatively moves your inner being and flip our perspective of it, and it could be used to create a positive reaction and chain of events that lead us to successful ventures. This idea might sound complex to some minds, so let me give you an example of how our perspective of how we see our reality directly impacts what we create in our lives to shed light on why this ideology is so important.
Have you ever heard the story of the two brothers raised by an abusive, spiteful and alcoholic father? As the story goes, there were two brothers who both were raised by an absolute low-level excuse of a parent. He abused his children, screamed at them, told them negative things to lower their self-image so it could be put within what his idea of comfort was: which was simply not hearing them. Twenty years later, those two brothers who grew up with the same situation, led wildly different lives. One brother was incredibly successful in life, had gone on to do great things, was a gentle soul and always did what he could to be uplifting to others. He had children, he gave all the love, respect and support a father could give him, and in return, the love he gave and created always found its way back to him better than when he sent his intentions out. The other brother though? A carbon copy of his father. Negative, spiteful, filled with anger and despair and treated others and his family the same way his dad did, and lived just as miserably and unfulfilling. When both brothers were asked, why did you choose to be how you are today? These two were the sun and moon, light and dark, absolute opposites and what they offered to the world were polar opposites.
Their answer was the exact same. You know what it was?
“Because of how my father raised us.”
No, really, let that response be felt and absorbed. Two different lives under the same circumstances yet, two completely different people. How could this situation have happened? And the remarkable answer is this: your perspective, your reaction, and your intention moving forward with your thoughts. In any situation, what happens moving forward always boils down to these three things. So let’s look at that situation and those brothers, and let’s break down why this is so important to better handle your thoughts, your actions and your overall message to the world.
The brother who ended up like his dad because he saw the reactions and behavior of his dad and saw that as normal. He saw that as an influence of what to do with it, despite the fact it was not only hurting and creating more pain in his life, but couldn’t recognize that it was hurting his dad. He accepted that was reality for him, and the perspective he held to his upbringing, caused his reactions to mirror his dad, then his intentions moving forward subconsciously led to his thoughts being just like his dad: abusive, spiteful and overall horrible.
The other brother had a different perspective, and that’s where his life changed. When he saw his circumstances as his life, he made it his belief system that he was NEVER going to treat someone how he was. Isn’t that idea alone just beautiful? In the face of adversity on a high level, he chose to be the light of his own path, and that’s what led his heart. He turned the Hell he was given and made sure nobody else was going to feel that if he could control it. He spoke kindly to others. He gave praise to others' attempted efforts. The feelings he didn’t receive and felt empty from, he made sure others were going to have it, which in return, allowed him to feel the truth of his intentions and only fill that void with love.
What’s to be learned from this? You are not your circumstances. You are not what has happened to you, nor were you ever. Regardless of whoever you are, whatever has happened in your life that made you feel so negatively, you do not have to attach your entire identity to a pain you felt that might’ve hurt your perspective of what life is. I say this as someone who has experienced failure over and over, lost time and time again, gave up too soon and thought I was heading in an empty direction. I’ve had those same late nights wondering what it’s all worth. I’ve looked at Hell for what it’s really worth and sat there thinking this is where I’m meant to be. I mentally couldn’t allow myself to see my own worth and potential because I could not process my own anxiety and depression or the identity held with it. Yet, at my lowest of lows, there came this really beautiful thought. If all the efforts made toward something were only going to make me miserable, and if there truly was no hope for me, then why not see the perspective of happiness in everything and live life through that? And then, it was like I stepped away from my mind and only focused on where I was at.
The funniest thing was, after that, life seemed like it had found its colors just on that shift of perspective, and now I could see beauty in what was in front of me. The way the ripples of the water moved and the rhythm of its flow, the sound of the wind, the vibrant green of the grass. I quit being in a million different places at once, I realized I didn’t exist in the future where all my anxiety was coming from and I don’t live in the past where all my depression was held, I only exist where I am right now in my current emotions, which are now filled with bliss. Less than 20 minutes after shift, I received a call from a job that I applied and interviewed for six months ago, saying they had a slot open up and the manager had left a note on my resume saying he had a good feeling about me. They explained they were starting me out at top pay, close to triple of my last job, sending me to Mississippi for training for 7 weeks, per diem, mileage, paid hotels and food and my orientation was in two weeks. No words in any language could ever explain the emotions I felt in that hour.
The best part, those feelings only grew. Not even carrying any pressures for my upcoming job, my head wasn’t worried about what could happen, and I only started to care for what was there. When I realized that these ideas are here to stay were how much more my son and I bonded afterwards. My son and I started having much better times together, we both laughed more, we would give each other funny looks and smile and bust out laughing, playtime turned into time to bond and connect emotionally more through what he wanted to play and when he did great, I not only told him how proud I was with the obstacles he would overcome, even if there were minor like getting a bottle cap off a water bottle, the feelings of me wanting to proud of myself I gave to him. I let him know that he was capable of great things, I would tell him every time I saw him improving at something. I told him I loved him all the time and how proud I am to be his father, and his life started to change as well. His sweet heart only got sweeter. Now we’ll have these giant hugs throughout the day, he’ll talk about if he does or doesn’t like things like some food or how at 2.5, he’s too old for Blippi now. He really grew up faster than I was told he would. When I saw him telling other people that he loved him more and that he was also proud, as a toddler, and it lit those people up, all those dark feelings I held with who I was just felt like it faded away and for the first time, truly… I was happy. I changed my perspective of how I saw the situations killing me, chose to find the good or create it and allow them to spread the love and joy instead of carrying the burden of what it should’ve been. And even when push came to shove (and it came in swingin’, Life got them hands), I felt and underlying belief underneath what imagery was in front of me and saw them as opportunities to be even better; finding that one good brick in a bad or terrible structure and adding it to the foundation of home inside my heart that I was building for mine and my son’s future.
With that shift, it only got better: I moved to a new apartment in a new area, paid off previous debt and a credit card, I got started getting ahead in all my goals, and I made all new friends who believed in me and my goals and wanted the same things from life, laughed much more and saw the value of the circumstances sent to me and the people in between these little experiences we reflect on and call life. I even set the goal of going back to school to make strides of what I wanted to be in life, and less than a week after scholarship app for a college band with zero formal training and only what I’ve taught myself from 9 years old to today and a 45 second audition, was I given a scholarship and accepted in a few days. Which brings me to my message…
If you’re here, there. Is. Hope. Just like the brothers, it didn’t matter what cards you had been dealt, who you are, where you’re from or what you did. What matters is how you choose to perceive your circumstances, use it for good and shift it to help others and grow the life around you by turning it to gratitude, love and happiness or let it rot mentally inside of you lingering on to your fears, anger and pain. I looked at my life, all my failures and losses and a destroyed reputation and refused to accept I was done, and believe that happiness was still going to be possible. If I can, under all circumstances, pull my head from under the water, learn to swim in the shark-infested waters, and get back to land then you can too.
Life starts when you shift your perspective towards whatever situation and change the way you react to it, then it’s up to you if you set the intention moving forward or negative from it. If you see things as bad experiences, you’re going to react like you’ve experienced those. If you take those same situations, and look for its value and purpose, you can start learning how to get comfortable living in those situations. This example of how simply this can be applied, to as far as this can stretch, is when you take a situation that you’re already used to having a certain feeling attached too and shifting you’re looking at it. For example, I work a lot inside customers homes, in Shreveport, LA too. And I’m gonna be honest, an alarming amount of people have truly disappointed me at times because of how some people just live. There was one in particular that was just rough. This man lived horrendously, trash all over the place, the place reeked from all the dogs she had, it was hard to navigate between rooms, let alone install his internet. I had to step out multiple times while working inside because the smell would be overbearing, but with all the junk out there as well as in a bad side of town, it didn't really help. I was about ready to throw in the towel, but right at the brink of decision, I wondered “is there anything redeeming about this person’s house??” So, I thought, how can I turn all my negative thoughts about this into something good? What was I already thinking? “This has got to be the laziest person ever!” was my main thought since, well, the living situation. So I changed it to, why would he be lazy? Is he tired, hurt, sick? What if he’s working so hard he literally has zero energy to even clean? So I asked him in conversation what he did while taking a break outside by my work van. He worked as a concrete laborer, he started at a young age, at first to supply for his family growing up, then later him and his wife, then his children as well as doing whatever to send them to school so they grew up a better life than him.
Very quickly, what was in front of me and what I had irrationally and judgmentally thought as well as about to risk getting a disciplinary for because of this situation, was now replaced with the highest level of admiration and respect as well as the fullest understanding of his situation. And while I was in awe hearing his story, he apologized for the mess and said it was because he was always so tired and he just couldn’t do it because he was always working. I told him, with the highest regards, he should not be apologizing and that man by definition is what heroes are and that his children are so proud to have a father like him. Those were things I always wanted to hear said to me, but suddenly, I felt like those words were better fit for this man. I saw him get caught up and start to choke up, I light-heartedly asked if I could get in his bubble for a hug, and he just gave in. Once I was done and he was all good to go, I looked him in the eyes and told him what a blessing it is to have met him and what a gift he is to the world, and we both had a beautiful moment of inner bliss. Shifting your perspective and reaction for the best will even snowball into positive things in your world and the people involved. It is absolutely inevitable.
At any moment, any day, hour, minute, second, nanosecond, you can turn yourself around with all odds looking you in the soul. In any circumstance, you can say that you deserve better, to do more, improve and experience what’s really out there. For any reason, you can choose yourself again, become who you want to become, and live whatever life you dream of living. If you’re breathing, there is a purpose to your existence. There is meaning to your words, no matter how they come out or how they sound. It won’t change everything overnight, but it will change the way you see your life, and that is forever. And even then there is a joy in your smile, regardless of how your teeth look, that could never be replaced. I hope the world knows what a gift you are to them. Believe that you are worthy of love, worthy of joy and that it is here and you will start to feel that warmth, that peace, like it’s never left, because it’s been there knowing you’re worthy, it was just waiting on you first. You can be that man, that woman, that husband, wife, mom, father, leader, artist, gardener, pilot, whatever your vision holds.
Whatever it is, and what your vision may be, hold it dear. Don’t give up on it. You’re always worth whatever the cost is, so if you do it for anybody, do it for you. Be your own hero, show up and be the person the younger you wanted to feel safe with.
